From Prospect to Friend
Step 4: Prepare your Deeper Qualification List.
As you enter the active phase of meeting people, whether online, in person, or through referrals, be prepared to ask questions and get answers in order to zoom in on qualified prospects and eliminate those who would never be a good match. Below are questions you need to ask to make sure they are at least READY to move forward in a courtship process. At this point, you are just seeking friends to talk to.
- Tell me about your family.
- Are your family [church affiliation]?
- Do you live alone?
- What do you do for work?
- How was work today?
- What do you like about your job?
- How was church?
- What are you reading for devotions these days?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
- Do you like to cook?
- What's your least favorite chore around the house?
- Add on here any other important questions related to essential qualities that your accountability partner has suggested for you.
Step 5: Initiate and maintain safe contact with qualified prospects.
Now you are ready to reach out to people who SEEM to meet minimum criteria based on their profiles. This is usually the hardest part - initiating conversation and getting it going. We will focus on what to do with online dating sites.
Initial Contact from Woman: Just heart or "like" the person. If the man is interested and "ready," he will reach out with a message.
Initial Contact from Man - Options Below:
To keep a conversation going. Always give a reply or response to what the other person said, then end with another question for them to answer.
Once you get going with a conversation, mix in those deeper qualification questions along the way. You are trying to find someone that is safe to have as a friend and that qualifies as a potential mate.
We recommend throughout this process that women always keep communicating to more than one gentleman UNTIL one man takes the important step of securing permission from your accountability partner to talk to you exclusively as a boyfriend. The reason is quite simple: it helps you guard your heart from falling for someone before you have established from your accountability partner that it is safe to do so.
Initial Contact from Woman: Just heart or "like" the person. If the man is interested and "ready," he will reach out with a message.
Initial Contact from Man - Options Below:
- Ask a question that specifically addresses an interest or hobby mentioned in the woman's profile. For example, Hi, I see that you are also a fan of [hobby, interest]. What...do you like best? or When was the last time you...? or Do you recommend...?
- If the woman hearted/liked you, you can reach out like this: "It looks like we both think we are a 'match.' I like to start with just being friends...." Then, ask a question about her interest or hobby as mentioned above.
- Tell her you liked her profile. Then find something else in common, and ask about their favorite. For example, "Hi, I really like your profile. We have some things in common. I see you are also a vegetarian. What's your favorite vegetarian dish."
- DO NOT just say, "Hi, how are you?" or "Hi." It's very easy to ignore these types of intros. Besides, so many guys do this. You will not stand out.
To keep a conversation going. Always give a reply or response to what the other person said, then end with another question for them to answer.
Once you get going with a conversation, mix in those deeper qualification questions along the way. You are trying to find someone that is safe to have as a friend and that qualifies as a potential mate.
We recommend throughout this process that women always keep communicating to more than one gentleman UNTIL one man takes the important step of securing permission from your accountability partner to talk to you exclusively as a boyfriend. The reason is quite simple: it helps you guard your heart from falling for someone before you have established from your accountability partner that it is safe to do so.
Step 6: Transition to phone interviews and or Zoom meetings.
But, assuming a few people have passed the deeper qualification list at least in their responses, you can go on to phone interviews. We do not recommend women give out their personal contact information UNTIL they have gotten answers to those deeper qualification questions AND reviewed those answers with their accountability partner. The same goes for a man asking for personal contact information.
For safety sake, we recommend women especially use a Google Voice number and a separate email dedicated to this type of correspondence, so that you can protect your private information in case someone turns out to be a bad apple. Google Voice is also an app on the mobile phone, so you can easily text and call using your cell phone.
Another great way to interact with someone safely to see how you "click" is to have a Zoom meeting. Maybe decide on a Zoom date, like work on an online jigsaw puzzle together, or read the same article and discuss it, or do a planned show and tell with something you created (if you are both the artistic, creative type).
In the phone or zoom meetings, Focus on the following...
Remember, at this point, you are STILL talking to multiple people. You are not becoming romantic with anyone.
For safety sake, we recommend women especially use a Google Voice number and a separate email dedicated to this type of correspondence, so that you can protect your private information in case someone turns out to be a bad apple. Google Voice is also an app on the mobile phone, so you can easily text and call using your cell phone.
Another great way to interact with someone safely to see how you "click" is to have a Zoom meeting. Maybe decide on a Zoom date, like work on an online jigsaw puzzle together, or read the same article and discuss it, or do a planned show and tell with something you created (if you are both the artistic, creative type).
In the phone or zoom meetings, Focus on the following...
- building a friendship
- discovering someone's personality (look for warnings, like someone who likes to argue about everything, even if they are "joking")
- confirming their qualifications (look for evidence of sincerity or lying, which is much easier to tell in the moment when interacting with someone)
Remember, at this point, you are STILL talking to multiple people. You are not becoming romantic with anyone.
Step 7: Meet in person on neutral ground.
When you feel ready to meet someone in person, see if they don't mind being subjected to a background check. Those with nothing to hide should see no problem in doing so.
Always meet someone in a public space, like a church event, and ideally where you easily have access to other people and can interact with them in a group setting. It's good to watch how people interact with other people and to see how other people feel about them.
Again, remember, you are still talking with other people, though you might only be meeting with one. This is very important to keep an open mind that this step is still just friendship and NOT a relationship. Always keep talking to multiple people until step 8 is reached!
Always meet someone in a public space, like a church event, and ideally where you easily have access to other people and can interact with them in a group setting. It's good to watch how people interact with other people and to see how other people feel about them.
Again, remember, you are still talking with other people, though you might only be meeting with one. This is very important to keep an open mind that this step is still just friendship and NOT a relationship. Always keep talking to multiple people until step 8 is reached!